I've spent the better part of 15 years in love with SHE. No one could ever measure up so I measured her out. Dressing up bodies in the parts of her that I could touch. Rubbing her locz across my skin. Content with pieces of my whole...at least that's what I told myself. I loved her so much that SHE didn't have to ask...and she didn't. Not once. When I found her, it was like I could breathe for the first time and not at all. Within each breath. I poured everything I had been, am, and was becoming into her. To let her know that she has been loved since before conception...so I poured....right through her like a sieve. Even SHE could no longer contain me because I could no longer love from a place that lacked space for me. I loved in the shadow of others. I was invisible unless I was needed to feed another ego. I thought SHE was a ghost...a fantasy, when I truly was. Sliding deeper into anonymity. Many won't see it because their perception of me is only what I allow. There are so many beautifully broken and damaged parts to me that I wouldn't change for the world. I am enough in this body imperfected by bulimia, depression, physical abuse...gravity and atoned by childbirth, age, time, acceptance and growth. I loved SHE out of me and made room for myself. Sure it gets lonely, especially on nights where the singular beat of my heart echoes too loudly in my own ears. I'm still enough though...and worthy of of the truth behind the words I so carelessly gave away at random. I love now with something deeper than purpose. I love with understanding and gratitude. I love with devotion. I'm sure my heart will break again because  who I love may not love me in return but this doesn't deter me. I just know that when it does happen...she's going to me come looking for me in the next life and I'll be waiting. No one should have to run from love.