My daughter says that I should write....and I do....one word here.....half a sentence there. I need to figure out how to verbalize a dramatic pause without overdoing my use of dot dot dot...see smh. I need to write. I need to share. I need one person to REALLY get me and to not just nod their head in acknowledgement because I'm pretty. I need someone to feel my words...to fall at my feet and say I GET IT! and not their own interpretation of what I've written.

     So what do I want to say? Everything. I want to say it without hesitation or fear of reprisal. I want to say things like I believe faeries truly exist...riding unicorns that fart fucking rainbows....and I want it to not just be okay like a pat on the head. Okay, no I don't want to say that, but I do want to live on the outskirts of Me-Land and bring life to the words that float around me like firmament. I want to God-ify them. Gravity....weight....presence. I want to do more of everything and so much less of this nothing I have called my life.

     I'm not hungry anymore. Not for words on paper or shared on a mic. I'm not hungry for the smiles of my children or the smiles of theirs. I'm not hungry for pretty houses, clothes, shoes, or jewelry. I will gladly remove each acrylic-prosthetic nail that adorns my hands to just sit on the ground and feel Earth between my fingers and toes. Wake up each morning at first song to dance wantonly at the water's edge as dawn breaks. Will read books by candlelight so as not to disturb the fireflies in their ballet around me. I'm not hungry for coffee shops and bistros....crowds or clusters. I'm simply losing my appetite for everything that connects me to nothing that sustains me....